


What needs to be done

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Fixing Canon, because i didn't like how the show ended, fluffier than chewbacca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: He had seen his future.He knew what needed to be done.Kanan Jarris had found peace with dying, to be honest. He had escaped death too many times to be able to do it again. His eyes were enough proof to that theory.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 19
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiyah folks! So, believe it or not, I'm new to the Star Wars fandom! I've only watched everything for the first time less than a month ago and I absolutely love it - and Rebels the most! I'm already in the process of watching the show for a second time even though it's only been a week or two since I first watched it, but I just can't get enough.  
> So we can all agree that the show didn't end that badly, but Kanan's death definitely was not necessary, but perhaps I'm biased because I basically have a crush on him idk. So I tried to fix it in this story, and some fluff followed naturally! Also, do excuse me if I get some of the universe wrong, took some creative license here and there but also just don't know that much about this universe! (Don't know if anyone will read this story but oh well, loved writing it.)

He had seen his future. 

He knew what needed to be done.

Kanan Jarris had found peace with dying, to be honest. He had escaped death too many times to be able to do it again. His eyes were enough proof to that theory.

He had seen his death already. Not the best way to go, but at least he could protect the gang. He guessed he had to settle for it. Did anyone ever get the chance to choose their death? His late Master certainly wouldn't have chosen hers, not then, anyway.

Yet something was different. When he had held her in his arms, his Hera, and she had proclaimed her love for him… this was different. Why was it different? Why did  _ she _ feel different?

He could feel Ezra jumping down from the Ghost and Kanan shook his head, moved to push them both out of the way, they had no idea what would be happening next-

The explosion still caught him by surprise, and he acted on instinct, focusing every single cell inside him on keeping the flames far away from her, from them…

"Ezra, get out!"

"No! Not without you!"

He felt Ezra focusing beside him, felt the Force strong inside them both, felt how much Ezra had grown and would grow in the years to come. But only if Kanan sacrificed himself now.

"Get in,  _ now _ , that's an order!" Hera yelled behind them, grabbing hold of the back of his belt and pulling him backwards.

"Hera-"

But she wouldn't budge. "Keep it up!" She kept pulling and Kanan could feel the flames coming closer, could feel how they tried to break through the Force, through their defenses. Ezra grunted and Kanan heard a clang, before he felt himself being lifted off his feet and falling backwards into strong arms and feeling the flames just barely lick his skin, then, the Ghost was up and out of there, the rumbling of the following explosions slowly getting out of earshot.

The inside of the Ghost wasn't any louder. Surprisingly, nobody said a word, not even Ezra who would otherwise talk for hours on end, or Chopper, who always let his emotions be known, positive or otherwise. (Usually otherwise.)

Kanan finally felt whose arms had caught him and held him back, and of course it was her. 

Leave it up to Hera Syndulla to change fate.

"You should have left me there!" was the first thing that sprang to his mind, getting up, feeling everyone's presence and making a point of looking them in the eye - or at least, he hoped he was. A part of him told him that this was the wrong move, but the other part had definitely seen his future and this had for sure not been it.

Nobody said anything, still, and he worried for a moment that his instincts were wrong, and that they weren't on the ship after all, but he heard Hera move behind him, grunting a little while getting up.

Chopper was the first to make a sound. Probably best that the droid didn't speak Basic, because his words were not worth repeating. 

"Yes, you're right, Chop," Ezra responded, equally as mad as Chopper was. "You're welcome."

"You couldn't have seriously thought that we would leave you behind, right?" Sabine joined in. Kanan imagined the girl crossing her arms, fighting so hard not to hit him right then. She was about to say something else when another individual stopped her.

"Don't bother. Let's get back to Base." Zeb. He never took the lead but it seemed, this situation warranted for it.

Nobody said anything after that, and he felt them leaving the cargo bay one by one. Kanan was confused - he was supposed to be dead, he saw that vision, and yet here he was, amongst his crewmates who were very angry for some damn reason and it just didn't make any sense.

"They're just shocked, we thought we would lose you," a soft voice said to him, and its presence surprised him so much, he was unable to hold back his heart from slamming out of his chest - but, in a good way.

"Hera," he sighed, wanted to touch her, make sure she was okay and that she was there, but he felt she wouldn't accept that.

"Why wouldn't you fight?"

"I had a vision."

"And visions have never been wrong before," she said wryly, but still he felt her come closer. Something cold touched his face, and it stung, so he guessed he had injuries which he hadn't felt before. He felt her breath ghost his face, and was suddenly reminded of what he had felt on top of that fuel tank, when he had held her.

Something was definitely off about her…

"I'm glad you're okay," she whispered, "but don't do something like that again. I thought I would..." Her voice fell silent.

He nodded, instead, having no counterargument, and being unable to disagree with her anyway.

She made quick work of his injuries, applying salves and bandaids where necessary, and finished with cupping his cheeks.

"What did you see?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do, actually."

He sighed and shook his head, reaching up and holding her hands in his. He turned one of them, kissing the inside of her wrist, before lowering them, still linked, between them.

"About what you said…"

Somehow, he had expected that she would pull back at that, take back her words, claim it was a spur of the moment thing - they had had many of those since they had first met. Instead, her thumbs brushed the tops of his hands and he could sense a faint smile on her lips. 

"You really want to talk about that right now?"

"Would you rather talk about my heroic sacrifice?"

He could  _ feel _ her roll her eyes and smiled at her - despite what had happened, he could still make her roll her eyes.

"Heroic, huh?"

She squeezed his hand a little tighter than was comfortable, and he let out a little, exaggerated yelp, before they were quiet again, just the two of them. 

Her eyes were practically burning into his now.

"Please don't do that again?" she whispered, even softer this time, and he knew she wasn't faking or anything.

"I wouldn't dare." He let go of one of her hands to brush her cheek. "Hey, Hera…"

He heard her small intake of breath, and wouldn't dare call it a little gasp. (She would probably kill him. Or leave him on a deserted planet by himself.)

"Kanan…?"

"Is my hair really that bad?"

She made an exasperated sound and pushed him away, but didn't protest when he pulled her back towards him again. She slid into his arms without further protest.

He had a thing or two to learn about interpreting visions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine that Hera and Kanan are basically the parents of the team, especially of Sabine and Ezra, and Zeb is like this weird uncle who looks terrifying but is a giant teddy bear actually. I also like to believe that the moment they decided to let Ezra join the Spectres, Hera and Kanan basically adopted him already. Sure, Kanan cares about Ezra because he's a fellow Jedi as well, and there's only so few of them left, but I firmly believe that he sees Ezra as kind of his son, too. (Hera doesn't even need explaining. From the moment she met Ezra, you get hard Mom-vibes from her.)  
> Also, I liked thinking about what would have happened if Kanan hadn't died. The team would probably just have moved on and indeed, Kanan and Hera could have developed what was slowly growing between them. Ezra might even still be with us today. (Although I do have an increasing suspicion that Sabine and Ezra might make an appearance in Mando S2? Ahsoka and Bo-Katan will apparently be there, too, so not such a long shot to at least include Sabine in it. Especially since Moff Gideon had the darksaber and how the *BLEEP* did he get that in the first place while it belonged with Bo-Katan? Possible storyline for S2?)

He couldn't catch his sleep that night, too many thoughts racing through his head.

He should be dead. He had truly believed those visions, he had had no reason not to trust them. But as he lay awake thinking about what it was that he had seen, and felt… 

He shook his head and turned onto his other side, right when his bunk door opened.

He didn't need his vision to know who was standing there.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?"

She didn't respond, but he heard her shuffling closer to his bed, could feel her presence so pleasantly near him.

She was about to say something when he lifted his arm and wasn't surprised when she immediately slid into the bed with him. She nestled into his arms and he had to stifle a blissful sigh.

Well, it was certainly not the first time she had slept in his bunk, and he hoped it wouldn't be the last time, either. If there was one thing he could wish for them, for her, it would be to always have this serenity, this peace, calm, to always feel the way they felt when they were in each other's arms. The way he felt, when she held him.

If it weren't for her, he would still be a drunk roaming the streets of Gorse, denying who he was and what it was that he could do. He'd had good reason to, or at least, he had thought so. Hera had made him realize that his Master's sacrifice should not go in vain, and that he had survived for a reason. Even now, fully believing he should have died, Hera showed him that everything happened for a reason.

She deserved more than what they had now, occasionally searching out each other's (intimate) company without the love that should accompany it. He didn't know how to give it, he had always been taught to keep his feelings down, but he would find a way to make her happy.

"Hera?"

But she didn't respond anymore. He focused on her breathing, and only noticed then that she had probably fallen asleep already. 

It was okay. He would have ample time to tell her, in the morning.

~...~

A few rotations later, Kanan still couldn't shake what had happened on Lothal. 

By all intents and purposes, he should be dead. He had had some visions of his future before, of his death, but there had been nothing following any of those images, and he had come to the reasonable conclusion that it must mean that he would die.

Why else would he have seen all those things?

The rest of the team had moved on, it had just been another mission where they had narrowly escaped death, it was not such an odd occurrence for them - but this one was strange for him.

Of course, the only one who noticed his lingering thoughts was Hera, because she always had been able to see through his lies.

He heard something placed on the table in front of him, interrupting his reverie, and Hera's hand rested gently on his upper arm. He knew it was hers, had learned even more so now that he was blind what her scent was, the way she breathed, how pleasant her warmth was beside him. She was warmer than the others in general, thanks to her biology, she was so similar to all of them in so many ways that he sometimes forgot she wasn't human at all. (He was ashamed to admit it even to himself, because obviously, she wasn't human, and she had never pretended to be, either.)

"Talk to me, love."

He shook his head. She might be able to see through him, but he wouldn't burden her with his problems.

He felt soft lips against his cheek and his heart fluttered.

"Kanan."

He sighed and lowered his head, but she wouldn't have it. Her hand cupped his chin and pulled his face towards her.

Man. He wished he could see her now. He still remembered what she looked like, but it was fading with every passing day. He had thought he wouldn't be able to forget her beautiful green eyes but he was wrong, and he hated himself for it.

"Talk to me, Kanan. I know something is bothering you. You can tell me anything, you know that." Her hand brushed through his hair, reigniting once again the fluttering in his stomach. "Is it about the visions?"

He nodded before he could help it. She had that influence on him.

"I, uh… I dreamed I would die. I know to take these visions with a grain of salt, but… it felt so real. I got this, uh… a sort of peace washed over me as I saw it, I didn't want to, but it made me feel calm. Like I knew what needed to be done, what I could do to make Master Billaba's sacrifice mean something." He could sacrifice himself. He had suddenly understood what had motivated his late Master to give up her own life - on top of that fuel tank, the only thing in his head was that his friends should survive. That his  _ family _ should survive. He realized that that was what Master Billaba must have felt - she had wanted him to live more than anything, more than her own life. 

He hadn't wanted to feel like that, he had wanted to spend more time with the gang and train Ezra more because the kid really needed it even if he wouldn't admit it himself - and Kanan had stupidly entertained some brief thoughts of a future with Hera, whatever that could entail. He had wanted nothing more than to stay with them but he had known he couldn't. 

But alas, he had been wrong.

"My sweet," Hera whispered, her hands gently yet firmly on his upper arms, grounding him. "Your Master sacrificed herself so you could live a full and happy life. Don't waste it."

He took in a deep breath, exhaled equally as deeply, and let another wave of words roll out, he couldn't stop it. This was about so much more than just his visions, and he realized that.

"I wasn't raised to feel anything, Hera. I was raised to feel… nothing. Emotions were dangerous, especially love, because it would pave the way to the dark side. But… I…"

"That's no way to live," Hera whispered, finishing his sentence. He had never doubted the way he was raised, never once thought about it because why should he, it was all he had known. But even back in the day, living with the Order, he had realized that he had cared for his Master, despite what people warned him against, and he knew she cared for him, too. 

All his life he had been taught not to feel, he had been shielded from the outside world for a long time, but then he had been thrown into the metaphorical ocean while being unable to comprehend how that ocean worked. (He wondered how he had survived, but knew he'd had help.) But then this woman had showed up and she had smiled at him and had made him feel at home and he simply didn't know what to do with that, didn't know how to feel - until it was too late.

"Hey. You're allowed to love and be happy, Kanan Jarrus. Feeling love isn't bad. Is this bad?" She sounded angry but he had a feeling it wasn't aimed at him - she was probably mad at the Order, and well, she wasn't wrong there. 

She brushed a hand through his hair again, and kriff, he loved her. So much. He could feel all the late Jedi pulling on him, heard his teachers scolding him for showing empathy, but this… this… felt right. He wanted to feel this.

"I love you, Hera."

She was silent after that, and he felt it had been the wrong thing to say altogether. He had ditched most of the Jedi ways - why was talking about his feelings still so hard for him?

Eventually, however, he felt her smile, felt her fingers only barely touch his skin. He couldn't help from smiling himself.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" she lightheartedly joked, but she inched closer until he felt her breath across his face, and then her lips were on his and his heart practically burst out of his chest. He wrapped one arm around her waist while the other cupped the back of her neck, and he felt her bright smile against his lips.

Why had the Jedi kept him from feeling this? He had been so lonely, scared, angry, exactly what his Master had told him not to feel, but with Hera in his arms, he knew not all feelings were bad.

No. Kriff, she could do so much better than him, a dysfunctional remnant of an old religion, blind, broken. He should protect her from himself. But at the same time… he didn't want to. He wanted to be with her like this for as long as they were able to, wanted to feel her smile against his lips as often as remotely possible. 

"I can't believe they did that to you," she whispered as they parted, and she inched closer so she could whisper directly in his ear. "I love you, Kanan. Please don't ever forget that. I love you, and you're worthy of love."

He pulled her closer and she buried her face into the crook of his neck. They remained like that for a while, although it wasn't long enough for him, until the little shit marched into the little kitchen, his arms crossed. 

"Uh, lovebirds, practice at ten, remember?"

Kanan had to focus all his energy not to throw something at Ezra for interrupting the moment, but Hera squeezed his upper arm, barely registerable, but he would always feel her.

"For your information-" Kanan started, but Hera stopped him once again.

"I'll leave, don't worry. Don't be too hard on each other, okay?"

Kanan felt it the moment she left his side, already missing her pleasant warmth, but wasn't entirely surprised when she placed a brief kiss on his cheek.

He could sense the words that were on Ezra's tongue but silenced the boy before he had the chance to say them.

"Hundred pushups, let's go."

"Pushups? But Kanan, that won't make me-"

"You will do as I say, Ezra."

"But I need to learn how to use my saber!"

"And how do you expect to keep up in a minutes long battle with those chicken arms? Hundred pushups, Ezra."

There was more fight left in Ezra, but Kanan simply looked into the general direction of the troublemaker, who sighed and grunted as he no doubt started his pushups. They weren't really part of the training. Just a little thing Kanan used to get back at the kid for interrupting his moment with Hera. (Kid wouldn't reach a hundred, anyway.)

Master Billaba had once said that she hoped Kanan would have a Padawan like him, and then, he would know how difficult he had been - suddenly, he understood the meaning.

He wished she could be here to teach him some more, allow him to finish his own training so he could do right by his Padawan. But in these times, they had to make do with what they had.

What he had, he rather liked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please excuse my limited knowledge of this universe. Did my research, but one can only learn so much in less than a month. Also, I'll be getting my copy of Ahsoka's novel on Friday, and a friend is lending me his copy of A New Dawn (and Tarkin since it's an omnibus) soon so I'll have more backstory on these amazing characters, can't wait!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! Wasn't sure if people were liking this story but then realized that it still deserves to be posted so there ya go.

As the sun was slowly setting, and Kanan and Ezra were finally finishing up their training for the day, Kanan set out in search of Hera - why, he wasn't sure, but he really wanted to continue their conversation from earlier, wanted to talk some more of what was bothering him. Which was a shock, because ever since  _ that _ day, he hadn't really talked about his life with anyone at all. 

And really, there was still that one tiny thing that he had felt was different about her, and he liked to think that he knew her better than most people.

She was in the cockpit, and he could feel her brooding, but for which reason he did not know yet.

"Hey."

"You finished?"

"I seriously doubt even Master Yoda could train him, but… yeah, finished for the day."

"You're being too hard on yourself, and the kid, love. Take a step back."

"There's nothing I can teach him, Hera. I didn't even finish my training."

She flicked some switches on the dashboard and put the Ghost into automated pilot. Not that she couldn't do two things at once.

She turned towards him.

"Kanan. I might not know a lot about the Jedi, but one thing I did learn, is that you're not just your training. Not just your lightsaber. You step up for those who need it."

He sighed and shook his head but deep down, he knew she was right. Master Billaba had always said that his saber was just an extension of him, just a tool to help wield the Force. He was not just his saber, and his saber wasn't him.

"For someone who's so cocky all the time, you can be quite insecure," she said softly, both as a way to tease him but also to ground him. She was once again right, she was rarely wrong. 

"Hey. When we get back to the base, let's just go for a walk, you and I. There's a lot you're not telling me."

"Who's saying I will tell you now?"

He could hear the smile in her voice when she answered him. "I have my ways."

Yes, she did.

~...~

That night, it was him who started out in his own bunk, but being unable to catch sleep, made his way over to her bunk.

Perhaps they could talk about that, too.

"Hera?" He said it to check if she was there, but he had already felt her presence. As he approached the bed he felt her hand grab his, pulling him forwards until he could slip in beside her.

"Should think about giving the kid his own bunk, huh?" she whispered, already brushing his cheeks.

He knew what she was implying, and it filled him with love to think about her words, what they meant.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, Zeb might still kill him one of these days. Just have to think about where to put you… maybe we can make you a bed in the cockpit."

He just smiled at her and pulled her closer, rubbing his nose against hers. 

"I would love to move into your bunk, if that's what you were saying, Hera Syndulla."

She kissed his cheek and cuddled in closer, and he was all too happy to give in, kissing the top of her head and holding her tightly in his arms.

Kanan wondered if there had been any Jedi in the past who had felt this way before. Surely, he couldn't be the only one, right? He hadn't chosen to love, in fact, his very upbringing and training had kept him from feeling this for all these years. They had always warned him that 'love leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to suffering'. (He'd had to repeat it like a mantra as a kid, but there had still been a part of him that just simply didn't understand the reasoning.)

He knew of at least one Jedi who had been in love without the Council's knowledge, but the fact that Kanan knew of it was enough proof that it wasn't quite the secret as that Jedi had claimed it to be. Rumors told him that Jedi had been Master Kenobi, but that man had been one of the most devoted Jedi Kanan had known, so he doubted those rumors were true. 

And then there were the rumors that one of the top military officials had once been a Jedi and had turned to the dark side, and supposedly, love had been a strong factor in that.

But right here, holding his sweet Hera in his arms, he found he didn't really care about what the Jedi would think of him should they find him like this. He had never been happier.

"I love you, Kanan," she whispered, her fingers lightly tracing his lips, going up his cheeks, and faintly traced the scar on the bridge of his nose.

"I love you, too." And it felt so incredible to say, he had been in love with her for years but there had always been something holding him back, but he would never let anyone stop him from feeling this way.

He dreamed of his old Master that night, probably the first time since he had joined Hera, and even before that, he hadn't dreamed of her often. She looked just as he remembered her to be, her tough as nails outside appearance but her sweet and kind heart on the inside, as she smiled at him, almost like she was proud. Well, her proud moments had been rather scarce, as she could be quite strict, but he had always felt that she was proud - not that he deserved that. 

_ "You have done well, my Padawan." _

He shook his head.

_ "I've failed you in every way possible, Master." _

It was her turn to shake her head, kind of in that way she used to whenever he had asked an inquisitive question she shouldn't be answering - she had known from the moment they had met that he was a troublemaker at the Temple, but had still taken him on as her Padawan.

_ "No, Caleb. You have done exactly what I intended for you. I always knew the Jedi life was not meant for you. You love people too much for that." _

_ "I should be continuing that life, Master." _

_ "Perhaps. But one thing the Council always failed to see is that emotions do not make you weak - they make you stronger. You always knew that, that is one of the things I liked about you. You knew that putting your feelings aside only made people feel worse.” _

Kanan remembered when his best friend had been relocated, knowing they would probably never see each other again, and on top of missing his friend, he had gotten frustrated that all his teachers were able to say was that he should calm his mind and refuse his feelings from settling in his heart. He had been unable to understand why he couldn’t simply miss his best friend, but the only explanation he had gotten was that ‘it was a dangerous path to go down’.

_ “She is nice,”  _ Master Billaba said, that smile still on her lips.  _ “You have done well.” _

_ “I’ll hurt her inevitably.” _

_ “Caleb, I have taught you better than this. You will never know what might happen when we go down one path, but that does not mean that you should remain stationary at the intersection. Life has its way of surprising us, both positive and negative, but we should not be afraid of it. Do not be another victim of our teachings.” _

_ “But, Master…” _

_ “You have a happy life still ahead of you, Caleb. I saw great potential in you, I still do. It are different times now, which requires a different approach. You may need to keep her close to succeed. And... I know you have felt it. Go with your instincts, my Padawan, they are rarely wrong.” _

He woke up, disoriented, for the briefest moment feeling like the little kid he had once been, Master Billaba’s wise and kind words in the back of his head, when he felt Hera stirring in his arms, as if she had sensed that he had woken up and her subconscious was responding to it. 

His hand gently brushed her face, all of the features he had fallen so much in love with and could no longer see with his eyes, but there were other ways to see, he knew that. The Force had guided him his entire life, but never more than after he had lost his sight. It was almost possible in certain moments to forget that he was blind at all.

He thought of Master Billaba’s words, a manifestation of his own inner thoughts but still very much in line with what she would have done were she still alive.  _ You have felt it. _ He had, but he wasn’t sure what it was. Something odd about his best friend, and lover...

He kissed Hera’s lips briefly, his heart fluttering when he felt her smile, then lowered his hand until it covered her lower belly. Focusing the Force, he pulled his hand back almost as if burned, because yes, there was no way he couldn’t have felt that… he knew the Force worked in mysterious ways, but with his hand on her belly, he could definitely feel… the Force reverberated, not unlike the way it had when they had first come across Ezra on Lothal.

It was faint, barely there, but he definitely felt it.

It couldn't be… no, it really couldn't. 

He linked his hand with Hera's again and closed his eyes, yet as much as he tried to ignore the feeling, he couldn't shake his suspicions. When his hand had been over her stomach, it had almost felt like something there was trying to reach out to him, to communicate with him.

He lay awake most of the night, consumed by his thoughts. 

Could she really be pregnant?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, when I was writing this part, I realized that there might have been a chance that Kanan could have felt that Hera was pregnant, and even though we will never know if he knew in canon, it breaks my heart to think of the possibility that he might have known. (I so wish they wouldn't have killed him. I so wish they will bring him and Ezra back one of these days.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm still in the process of rewatching Rebels just because I can, and I just reached 4x10 Jedi Night and I cried like a little baby again. Couldn't help it. And it confirmed my need for this story, or anything similar to this, in which Kanan did survive, it whatever way possible.

Kanan had eventually moved into Hera's bunk, no surprise to any of the Spectres, as he was certain they knew all about his relationship with her.

He was still scared of calling it that. Of being attached to her. He felt like any moment now, Master Yoda or Master Windu would show up to lecture him or worse, expel him from the Order - then he realized, Master Windu was dead now and Master Yoda was probably not better off, wherever he was, and anyway, with every passing rotation, he felt he didn't really care about the Order anymore.

Sure, he was still a Jedi. He was a Force wielder, he would never not be. But his time spent at the Temple had not been some of his best years, all that time being scolded and honestly, brainwashed into believing in something he couldn't possibly believe in.

He would always try to do what was best, be it with or without the help of the Force. But the Jedi teachings would surely not be helpful anymore, as it were different times now. No Council, no Republic. 

The feeling he had had that night had not subsided, if anything, the feeling of some form of the Force within Hera kept his thoughts occupied for most of the day. He was unfocused and even reckless and Hera had cornered him one day, her stance threatening, but her aura showing more worry than anything else.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked him, her hand hovering somewhere around his elbow, not touching but not quite keeping a distance, either. 

"Nothing. I'm sorry."

"You've been reckless and unfocused, Kanan. I need to know I can trust you in the field."

"You can. I promise."

"Oh, I can?" Another sound escaped her, almost sounding like more words that were no doubt lingering on her tongue, but she let out a deep breath and instead got down to his level again. "Kanan. I thought we promised each other we would talk about what was bothering us."

"You're right. But you wouldn't like it if you knew."

"Try me. Nothing could be worse than losing you to some pirate or something because your thoughts were somewhere else."

She pulled him with her into a quiet room, where the chatter of the gang was all but muffled and it truly felt like they were alone. She kissed his lips briefly before he felt her stern look on him.

He placed his hands on her hips and even felt the sensation from there, as though it was more present now that he had given it more thought.

"Hera…" He didn't know how to break this to her, didn't know if they would be able to get through this. He didn't want to lose her on top of everything else he had lost. "I, uh… I think, you might be, uh…"

Her hands came up to cup his cheeks and when she spoke, it was with so much conviction, Kanan wondered why he had doubted that they wouldn't be strong enough to get through this.

"Pregnant?"

He was so shocked he actually pulled back his hands, but he forgot to close his mouth because words and sounds suddenly escaped him. 

"What?"

"You think I might be pregnant?"

"Hera…"

"I have felt it, too," she said softly, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't want to give in to it, but… I think you might be right."

He had no more air inside his lungs, had no thought inside his head except-

Hera is pregnant. He was certain now. It was what he had been feeling around her for a while now, the Force manifested in… a little baby. 

And although he had thought about it before, had let his mind traitorously linger into that direction, it still shocked him to think of how real this suddenly was. 

"Kanan?" she whispered, worry in her voice now, her hands once again cupping his cheeks. 

Kriff. He was responding very badly to all this, she must think he didn't want any of this. True, he had never seen himself in this position, wasn't _supposed_ to be in this position. 

_"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."_

He couldn't get attached, couldn't love, couldn't own. 

_"You must not grow too attached, too fond, too in love with life as it is now. Those emotions are valuable and should not be suppressed. But you must learn to rule them, Padawan. Lest they rule you."_

And yet… he was in love with Hera Syndulla, his best friend, the only one who had cared about him, other than his Master, and Kasmir perhaps… Hera, who had saved him from a miserable life he'd had to subject himself to in order to survive. He'd had no choice. And yet, she had shown him exactly the choice that he had, and that there was still good in him, that he could still fight for the cause the Jedi had fought for… just, without his saber. And the robes, or literally anything else of the Order that he had grown up with.

Yes, he had grown attached to Hera, despite his best intentions to stay distanced, stick to his teachings… he could blame her, because she was just inherently good, selfless, always saw potential in everyone, even him. But she wasn't to blame, not really - perhaps a part of him had been craving for company like hers, after merely surviving for over a decade.

And now, she was pregnant with their child, and…

He had never been happier.

_Master,_ this _is my happiness. I know I'm going against everything you told and taught me. But I can't live that way anymore. I hope one day, you can forgive me._

As he wrapped up Hera tightly in his arms, feeling her reaching for him just as badly, he heard his Master's voice.

_Caleb Dume, my very young Padawan… of course I forgive you._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little look into Hera's thoughts in this chapter! Don't ask me what point in the timeline this is, or if it's even in the existing timeline in the first place. The only thing that's important is that she's several months pregnant now and Kanan is definitely too protective of her.

Kanan would never stop calling her stubborn.

Yes, she was. Always had been. If she wasn't, she didn't want to think about the fate she would be living now - she would probably be enslaved, or worse.

When it came to him, she was even more stubborn than usual. He mattered the most to her, she didn't know where she would be without him, so to lose him was a risk she simply couldn't afford.

But as the weeks and months passed, she could no longer pull him out of harm's way, because he had reduced her to flying only, no longer allowing her into the field. She knew he was the boss, but she had always merely humored him by giving him the code-name Spectre-1. They both knew who the real boss was.

But oh well. He wasn't wrong this time. Just... overly protective. 

Which was kind of cute. But also, incredibly annoying.

She had been waiting for a sign of the Spectres for probably two hours now, even Chopper was out. She had been waiting with the Ghost during a lot of their missions, but that had been her choice, and also mandatory for the success of the mission. Now, someone made that decision for her.

Didn't matter if that person was called Kanan Jarrus.

She leaned back in the captain's seat, closed her eyes, and let out a deep sigh, some tension leaving her shoulders as she did so. Everything hurt, but that was to be expected. She wasn't exactly giving her body the rest it needed, but what else was she supposed to do while they were in the middle of this rebellion? She couldn't very well take a leave of absence, they needed her.

And yes, she needed them. All of her Spectres, her little ragtag family, but especially Spectre-1.

Her hand lowered to her belly and she opened her eyes, looking at the little swell there, the sight making her heart flutter and her mind filling with impossible dreams of a future.

"Oh, little baby," she said softly, brushing her belly. 

When she was little, she had dreamed of being a mother, had loved helping to take care of the young ones in their village. But then, the rebellion had called for her, not literally, but she had seen what was happening around the galaxy and knew she had to do something to stop it. That was when all dreams of a calm, peaceful future had left her mind, and all she had been able to think about was bringing the Empire down. One stupid milk-run at a time.

She couldn't have known that she would be in this situation right now. Only in her wildest dreams could this have happened, and yet while the thought filled her with love and happiness, that she would have a baby with the love of her life in a few months, she also felt regret. 

Was this really the world she would be having a child in? Did she really want this kind of life for a little one? She loved it, and so did everyone else of their team, but they had chosen for this life, chosen to risk their lives each and every day to fight against the Empire. 

A baby couldn't choose this life. And even if they could, nobody in their right mind would want this existence. 

She had thought about the future she wanted to give her child. It wasn't this, so she had entertained thoughts of leaving her baby with sentients she trusted, who would give them the best life that they deserved. But her heart had constricted at that thought, to have to leave her child, to carry her baby for this long and then just abandon it… it didn't feel right.

Neither was subjecting them to this life, but she didn't want her child to grow up without their parents.

Even if, and she knew this, they weren't exactly invincible now, either, even if they stayed.

Both choices were wrong, and were bound to cause suffering and pain, but if that were the case, she would rather have her child with her. 

She checked the controls before getting up without much finesse because her belly was holding her back, and took the first turn right when she exited the cockpit, turning into her bunk.

No.  _ Their _ bunk. Things had been less complicated when it had just been the four of them, (and Chopper), each their own room, boys on one side, girls on the other - at the request of Kanan, for some reason. The moment Ezra had joined and had been forced to bunk with Zeb had been the day things in general got more complicated. 

She had snuck into Kanan's room before any of the others had joined, to talk, to not feel alone. To feel his arms around her, grounding her, making her feel alive. (Even in those early days, she had been attracted to him. They had ended up in either bed in more ways than one, but she had always felt a distance between them in those moments - and she knew, while making love, that other person should be the closest thing to you, both physically and emotionally. Only recently had Hera discovered why Kanan had been distant, only while making love, and it was because he felt guilty, about a lot of things. He had overcome that, eventually.)

Zeb was the first to join, but he hadn't noticed how often Kanan and her snuck to the bunk across their own, and he hadn't noticed when they would only return to their own bed in the early morning.

Perhaps he had. Hera had often underestimated Zeb, unfairly.

Sabine had probably had her suspicions, but hadn't voiced them at all. Once, Sabine was just returning from grabbing a late-night snack when Hera had attempted to cross the small distance between her bunk and Kanan's. Sabine had looked at Hera intently, still mostly asleep as well, before shrugging and going into her own bunk.

She was probably happy enough not to be hearing anything inappropriate from the next bunk over.

Yet Ezra had never been quiet about his suspicions, had questioned his Master about it often, but Hera knew he did it for good reasons.

They were basically his parents. The boy had jokingly called them 'space mom and dad', making Kanan laugh, but Hera had been incredibly touched by it, feeling for the first time that she could really mean something for a young soul. (Hera had never been secretive about her feelings for Ezra, because from the get-go, she had felt her heart reach out for him, and had accepted him into it with open arms. He was like a son to her.)

She looked at the corner of the bunk, reaching out to touch the makeshift crib Ezra and Sabine had made. 

Upon discovering Hera was pregnant, Kanan had kindly yet insistently requested the Alliance to supply them with personal quarters on Yavin-4, because he knew as well as she did that they couldn’t keep living in the Ghost forever. Senator Mothma had been nothing but helpful, surprised by the news of the impending addition to the Rebel Alliance, if only in spirit, but had supplied them with their own spacious living quarters. 

Although really, after basically living inside the Ghost ever since leaving Ryloth, there was nowhere that felt more like home to her than that beautiful spaceship of hers. She knew, however, that it was no place to raise a child.

She really preferred to bring her child into another world, another universe, where there was no Empire and no Star Destroyers, where they could live peacefully, as a family.

Her hand once again brushed her belly. "Well, we're really trying here, little one."

She heard the incessant beeping coming from the cockpit and knew there was only one person who would spam her comms like this until she responded. (Everybody else was just too afraid to be receiving a scolding.)

"Spectre-1 to Spectre-2, do you copy?"

She slid into the captain's seat the best she could and reconnected with the comms.

"Spectre-1, this is Spectre-2, I hear you loud and clear. What's up?"

"Coming in hot, need a quick getaway!"

She smiled and punched some buttons in preparation, then took over the controls from the automatic pilot. 

"Well you're in luck, Spectre-1, because quick getaways are my specialty."

There was no reply over the comms, but she heard the Phantom docking, saw laser blasts shoot past them, and she waited until she was certain the Phantom was secure before punching in the coordinates and torpedoing them into hyperspace.

She heard her team offloading the crates and let out a breath of relief, before once again activating the automatic pilot and sitting back in her seat. She could just fly the Ghost herself, that was her job after all, but she had a feeling she wouldn't be able to focus in a few moments…

…and just as she finished that thought, the cockpit door opened and she heard the telltale footsteps of Kanan Jarrus coming close, his usual cockiness manifested even in his walking.

She would get him down from that pedestal fast, though.

She turned just her head and was met by a brief yet deep kiss, his hand brushing her cheek, her lekku, before going down her neck and ending up on her belly.

"How's the little troublemaker?"

"Can't decide who you're talking about."

He smiled and sat down in the copilot seat, turned towards her. 

Man, would her heart ever stop beating frantically in her chest every time she saw him? Ever since meeting him, she knew he was the most beautiful sentient she had ever come across, but that sass had put her off... for about a week, then she had already sensed there was more below all those layers of overconfidence. She had learned quickly that Kanan was really just a broken little kid, troubled by his past which had been a mystery for anyone other than him. She had found out more little by little over the years they had worked together, including the fact that he was a Jedi, something he hadn't told anyone yet at that point. Only recently had she found out why exactly it was that he had been so troubled when they had first met.

He was traumatized. He would never admit it himself, he was too full of himself for that, but the events in his past had left him truly traumatized. He had grown up at the Jedi Temple (which Hera now knew was basically a cult, no matter how many people had admired their work for all those years), had found his purpose in life, only to see it all crumbling before him with just one simple order. He had watched his Master die and she had mattered to him, she had seen what only few people had seen in him, and had attempted to bring that out before she had met her horrible end. 

And then, Kanan had had to live on the streets and always hide his true identity, because even now, well over a decade after the end of the Republic, people were still hunting down Jedi and killing them. Now, on top of trying to survive, he also had to make sure that Ezra survived, one of the few other Jedi to remain. He had a big responsibility in training his own Padawan, even if he had technically still been a Padawan himself when he had taken Ezra under his wings.

He was under a lot of pressure, but much to his credit, he wasn't allowing it to impact any of their lives too badly. 

Not even enough to pull himself out of harm's way. That little stunt he had pulled a few weeks before they had found out that she was pregnant, while destroying the ability for the Empire to make new TIE-fighters on Lothal, had made her realize that while he valued their lives, and his spent with them, he didn't value his own life as much as he should. Luckily, though, especially after the gang had found out about her pregnancy, too - and as a result, who the father was - they had made it their new side mission to  _ always _ make sure Kanan returned, too, no matter the consequences. (Hera had protested this because as much as she wanted Kanan to survive, she wanted her team to survive, too. They wouldn't hear it, however.) They had always made sure of that, but now even more, because they would not allow this little baby to grow up without their father.

"This time, I was talking about the little one."

"Still doesn't rule out anyone."

He rolled his eyes but chuckled all the same. (She wasn't  _ that _ short - still, compared to him…)

"How'd the mission go?"

Kanan seemed to be pulled back into reality, perhaps, like her, thinking about whatever it was that kept him otherwise occupied, and it caused his smile to drop a little.

"Well, we got what we came for, that's about it."

She sighed. "Everyone make it out okay?"

"I would have definitely come up here differently if they hadn't."

"Good. Well, that's good. We gotta focus on the positive."

He nodded, that smile returning a little. He leaned in and was about to kiss her lips when the doors to the crew's quarters opened.

"How's the baby Lasat?" Zeb asked, causing Ezra and Sabine to laugh but Kanan to groan.

"Not funny, Zeb," he muttered, sinking back into his seat. Hera reached out and brushed Kanan's cheek for reassurance before focusing on her crew.

"Zeb, you know he's sensitive about that," Hera said, but still amused by the inside joke Zeb had come up with and had pulled everyone into. It wasn't even that funny to Hera, either, but Kanan's response always made it worth it. Ezra and Sabine had laughed heartily at the joke, though, which was another thing that made it worthwhile. 

Zeb was about to say something else witty when Kanan looked in his general direction and he shut up immediately. 

Then, the team dove into their recap of everything that went wrong, including Chopper's colorful complaints, and Hera listened to them with enthusiasm but also longing. She wished she could join them in the field.

But, this was for a good cause. As she looked at Kanan for just a brief moment, finding him smiling back at her, her thoughts were confirmed once again.

Her priorities and methods had shifted somewhere along the line. She had always needed to keep her crew safe, and it hadn't mattered how she managed that. (Even if it meant that she would die.)

Now, it did. More than ever. Didn't mean she wouldn't still try her utmost best to make sure everyone got back safely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea that Kanan is the 'boss', but Hera is the Boss. I don't know if it's ever addressed in canon, but I like to imagine that when Kanan and Hera came up with the Spectres, that she gave him the title of Spectre-1 just to tend to his ego, but that they both know who the real boss is. Hera is the glue that keeps the family together, and oh, I also don't want to think about what might have happened to the Spectres if it had been Hera that died in Jedi Knight, instead of Kanan. Somehow, I feel like it might have been the end of the fam. But oh well. I just hurt myself by typing this.  
> Also, Zeb's comment on 'the little Lasat' is loosely inspired by that scene in The Office when Pam is pregnant and is like 'little baby Michael' and Jim is like 'nope, don't like that'. Zeb being the tease that he is would probably make a lot of jokes about Hera's pregnancy - all of them mostly aimed towards Kanan.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I know on the show, Kanan and Ezra did talk about Order 66, and I'm not trying to undermine that conversation at all with this chapter. I just felt like they needed to talk a bit more in-depth about the Jedi and the Clone Wars and how Kanan got to the point where he was at when Hera found him, and especially when Ezra found him. They're both Jedi but Ezra doesn't really know a lot about them, and perhaps Kanan wouldn't quite mind that, but I think it's important that Ezra knows more. So, that's when this chapter happened. *shrug*

Ezra Bridger had always been incredibly annoying. He always questioned everything, never followed orders, and generally did whatever he wanted to do.

He knew all that. Even as the annoying teen that he was, he had quite a lot of insight into his own character.

Well, that, and the daily complaints of the Ghost crew about aforementioned characteristics. 

He had changed however. Wasn't sure if it was for the best, he certainly was in more danger now than he had ever been, even as a kid being left all on his own. Yet now, he had a chance to actually mean something for the galaxy, for the rebellion - he had found his purpose, and it lay with this crew.

This… family. They were his family now. He couldn't have imagined that he would feel this way when he had first seen them on Lothal that day, them stealing Imperial crates and him stealing in from them, but a lot had happened since then, most of which had happened so quickly he could hardly recall them now.

It had definitely been Hera who had convinced him to stay. Sure, the prospect of being around Sabine, who he'd had a crush on at that time, had been tempting, but Kanan's arrogance was less than inviting and Zeb's violence had Ezra wanting to use some violence in return.

Yet Hera had seen something in Ezra, he was still uncertain what it had been, but she hadn't accepted his attempts to pull away and had been there for him when times were tough.

Even now, as her boyfriend, or, whatever, was training him to become the Jedi everyone saw in him. He was a long way from that point, but he had to make do with the resources that he was given.

"You're not focusing, Ezra," Kanan said, in his typical annoyed matter, which only annoyed Ezra even further.

Jeez, no one irked Ezra more than Kanan Jarrus. But unfortunately, said man was exactly the one person he had to deal with the most. 

"I quit," Ezra said, determined, dropping his saber and turning around. Kanan didn't say anything, not even to stop him, which added fuel to the fire.

Ezra wished Ahsoka was around to train him, she would be a much better Master than Kanan-

He swallowed and felt guilt in his stomach. He pushed that thought away.

Kanan was a good Master, especially considering the circumstances. But really, perhaps Ezra should have been trained by Ahsoka…

"Talk," Kanan said, pulling on Ezra's arm gently and making him sit down. They sat together on the Ghost's ramp, looking out over what they could see of Lothal.

Well, what Ezra could see of Lothal.

"It's just… I, uh… you know what, never mind."

"Now I really want to know what's troubling you."

Ezra sighed and pulled up his legs, leaning his chin on his knees. Kanan didn't deserve Ezra's misbehavior, but he just couldn't help it. There was so much of all this Force business he still understood very little of, and it was hard to deal with it. He had to have complete faith in the Force, and yet he had no idea what it was, not really. No idea how it was that Kanan and him could wield the Force, but Sabine and Zeb couldn't, for example? Or Hera? If anyone should be a Jedi, it was her, because she could do some real good.

"You know, I was once like you, Ezra."

"Yeah? Annoying?"

Kanan smiled and shrugged.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I was a troublemaker at the Temple, always asking questions, never taking anything at face value. I always overestimated my own powers, I thought I could do more, deserved more. I didn't understand why I should just accept the ways of the Force. In fact… I still don't."

Ezra looked over at Kanan, and saw his mentor was simply looking ahead, as though he was lost in thoughts. Sure, Kanan couldn't see anything, but you would almost forget that whenever you were around the man - he could feel almost everything around him, through the Force, and that was somewhat inspiring to Ezra.

"You would have liked my Master," Kanan continued, that air of being lost in his thoughts still around his voice. "Master Billaba was no-nonsense. Tough-as-nails. But… well, you would find this boring."

Ezra shook his head frantically. There were really only two other Jedi that he knew, and ever since discovering that he was one, too, he had been desperate to find out more about their history,  _ his _ history, even if the Jedi he did know showed, without meaning to, how painful that history was. Ezra wanted to find out more about the Jedi, the Order, the Temple.

"I want to know more about our past."

Kanan nodded in understanding.

"Well, I can only tell it from my point of view."

"Still better than nothing at all."

Kanan smiled, then returned to his train of thought.

"Before she became my Master, Master Billaba had suffered a major defeat on Haruun Kal. Lost more than ninety percent of her troops that day. She was injured badly herself, too, and was forced into a coma for many months after that. When she recovered, I met her and something about her just… resonated with me. Everyone called her damaged goods, but I thought she was strong, powerful. She wouldn't give up, and within weeks, she was back training us and aiding the Council.

"I had always questioned everything back then, and questioning Master Billaba was no different. For some reason, she liked that trait, even if she cursed it a lot in the future. I… was way too young to become a Padawan, but I was… overconfident. Thought I was invincible."

Kanan paused and Ezra looked at the same thing Kanan would have been looking at, if he'd still had his vision.

"We worked very well together, and I was very proud to be her Padawan. She taught me a lot."

"So, what happened? Where is she?"

Kanan sighed and lowered his head.

"Do you know about Order 66, Ezra?"

Ezra reached into his memories, but came up empty. If anyone had mentioned it to him, the occurrence had left him by now. He shook his head. 

“Well, I know a little. Only what you told me.” 

Ezra knew that all of the people that he had that were even remotely related to Order 66 were basically traumatized by it, none more so than Kanan, who had always shut down completely whenever someone tried to talk about his past. Ezra wondered if Hera knew, but then realized, she must know. These two were incredibly close and had basically been each other's only friend before they had met Zeb, Sabine and then himself. 

In any case, Ezra knew it was a touchy subject, not just for Kanan, but for Ahsoka and Rex, too.

Kanan nodded in understanding. 

"In order to help fight against the Separatist droid army, the Jedi Council had enlisted the help of our own Clone army. Like Captain Rex and the others. They were tough, smart, friends. I had the honor of fighting alongside many of them during my time as Padawan."

"I thought that Jedi weren't soldiers?"

Kanan chuckled humorlessly.

"You're right. We shouldn't have been soldiers. My Master thought so, too, but still she took up the title of General, because the Council had ordered her to. She got to lead her own battalion again, with some survivors from Haruun Kal. Friends…"

Kanan fell silent then, and Ezra could sense great pain coming off the man, even without using the Force. Ezra wondered what it was that had made Kanan talk about his past - as far as Ezra knew, Hera was the only one who knew about that. And, well, they were best friends and… ugh… in a relationship. (Gross.)

"We were on Kaller, sitting and talking, like friends do. The clones teased me about being a troublemaker… and then… for some reason, they turned. On my Master and I. They were fully intent on killing us, even if moments before, we had been…" Kanan took in a deep breath and continued. "My Master and I were vastly outnumbered, we were two to, well, our entire battalion. There was no way we could have fought them off, and Master Billaba realized this, too. She told me to run… and I did. I was a coward. I could have saved her. But instead… I watched her being murdered, by our friends."

"You couldn't have done anything, Kanan," Ezra said before he could stop it. It was nonsense, of course - he had no idea what the situation had been, and his words were therefore just empty ones.

"Well, we'll never know. But… without my Master, I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to go back to Coruscant, but realized quickly that that was the wrong thing to do. I was concerned by the new Empire there, intent on killing me. I've… been on the run ever since."

They were both silent then, Kanan probably reliving his painful past, while Ezra was thinking about what next to say, to ask. 

"I wasn't old enough to be a Padawan, I realized it then. I was not much older than you had been when we first met you. You survived well, admittedly, but you had a better foundation. I… had been taken from my family at a very young age, as they did with any child who was Force-sensitive. I've never known my parents. I grew up in the Temple learning about our history, about lightsabers and the different defensive forms, but never… anything that could help me survive in the real world. I was… not prepared to be living on the street. And while I was trying to figure out how to fulfill my basic human needs, I also had to keep running from the clones I had once considered friends, brothers, because they were still trying to execute Order 66."

"That's why you weren't happy to see Captain Rex."

"That's an understatement," Kanan said, rubbing the back of his neck, then pressing his lips into a firm line. "I trust Rex. But not enough to trust him with your lives."

Ezra nodded. "I understand. I know they won't hurt you, but I understand why you wouldn't like them around."

They were silent once again, and they heard the team's voices getting louder upstairs. Ezra knew Zeb and Sabine were playing a game of Sabacc, and both were sore losers. He imagined Hera trying to keep the peace, and Chopper only making things worse.

"I know you don't think I'm a good mentor. Quite honestly? You're right. I never got to finish my own training, so technically, I'm still a Padawan myself. But there's still some things I can teach you. Just listen to me."

Ezra nodded. He felt guilty all of a sudden for thinking that he would prefer Ahsoka's training over Kanan's. It wasn't the man's fault that there was still a lot that he could never teach Ezra.

"I've thought about asking Ahsoka to train you. But… I know she didn't finish her training, either."

"She didn't?"

"No. During Order 66, she was a Padawan, just like me."

"Who was her Master?"

"Master Skywalker, I believe."

"Can he train us?"

" _ Us _ ?"

"Yeah. You and me?"

Kanan laughed and shook his head.

"Why do you think I need more training?"

"Kanan, look at yourself. You're a good Jedi but a terrible Master."

"Fair enough."

Ezra got up, thinking that was the end of their conversation, when Kanan started talking again.

"Hera is pregnant." Ezra wanted to say 'I know', but stopped himself at the last moment. "I'm going to be a father. And… it's still so surreal. You know, as a Youngling, and a Padawan after that, they always taught me that I can't love, can't get attached, can't own anything. Love and attachment would only lead to fear, which would lead to anger, which leads to suffering. I was even discouraged from getting attached to my peers, because it was not the Jedi way. So… when I met Hera, and I was slowly falling in love with her… the biggest emotion I felt was guilt. Shame. I was going against everything I was taught, I was disappointing all of the Jedi who had come before me. But… we do get more strength from love, from our friends, now more than ever. I had suffered long enough sticking to the Jedi ways."

Kanan turned towards Ezra and put his hand on his shoulder. 

"Ezra, it's important to know about our past. But that time has passed. We live in a different age now. I don't want old teachings to be holding you back. You are twice the Jedi I could ever be."

"No, you're selling yourself short."

"Maybe. But I know the Force is strong with you, Ezra. And my priorities will soon shift, but that doesn't mean that yours have to, too."

"I don't know what you're trying to tell me, Kanan."

Kanan sighed and shook his head, taking his hand off Ezra's shoulder. 

"I don't either." Kanan smiled faintly. "I can already tell that the baby is strong with the Force, too. It doesn't have to mean anything… but it could also mean everything. If the baby does turn out to be a Force wielder… he will need a good Master to guide him. More than I could ever be."

Ezra put his hand on Kanan's shoulder, which caused the man to look into his direction. 

"We can do it together, Kanan. Granted we're still alive by then."

"Well, I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

"Neither do I."

They both smiled, bonded more now that they knew their ideas for the future were going in roughly the same direction. 

"Hey, Kanan. I know you'll be a great dad. Kid's lucky to have you."

"Oh yeah? And how would you know?"

Because Kanan was basically Ezra's dad, or a brother at least. Ezra had just a few memories of his real dad, only loving ones, which had coincidentally laid the ground works for his current work in the rebellion. After being alone on the street for that long, he had craved some compassion. 

Even if it came from Kanan Jarrus.

"Just a feeling."

Kanan smiled and then shrugged, for a brief moment showing his vulnerable side before pulling up his arrogant mask again. But Ezra understood now. After hearing of Kanan's painful past, so many things made much more sense now. 

"Thanks for telling me about your past."

"Don't mention it, kid."

"Don't call me kid."

Kanan looked at Ezra intently before throwing his head back and laughing at the top of his lungs. Ezra had no idea what had just happened. 

"Told you. We're more alike than you think."

Ezra would ask the meaning behind that another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I don't remember if Ahsoka ever said out loud to any of the Spectres (or anyone in general) that she knew Darth Vader was Anakin, because she definitely knew. And I don't remember if she ever said anything about her former Master at all, but we'll just pretend that she didn't, not that I will bring him into the story, but just for this chapter to work, lol. Also, wouldn't it have been fun if we had seen some scenes with Luke Skywalker and the leftover Spectres? Like, Luke training Jacen because that boy would obviously be a Jedi like his father and big brother and Luke was about the only good, capable Jedi out there. (Kanan would have been even better, I guess, and Ahsoka, too, but Luke did alright considering the circumstances and the fact that he only had training from this crazy frog, right.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here, I'm still alive! Totally didn't have a lot of time to update this story and when I did, I just completely forgot about it, I'll be totally honest with y'all, lol.   
> So, I was unsure whether I should publish this as a complete chapter because it's so long, but then I realized, it IS just one big chapter with a couple of interruptions and well, y'all have been waiting for an update for weeks now so y'all deserved a treat! So this is the chapter in which Hera gives birth to Jacen and this is one of many ways I think it might have gone if Kanan were still alive by that time. I took some liberties concerning the timeline because man, so many things happen in the canon of the entire franchise that I have no idea what happened at which time and at what point in the timeline we're at currently in this story. I did do some research because of course there are entire websites (search Timeline Of Galactic History on Google and you'll find what I used) full of all vital events in the universe (including Ezra's birth, which was a separate item in the list and I kind of liked that), but the other details are still a bit vague to me. I would say that this is after the destruction of the Death Star, as I mention it in this story, but I don't even know if that's realistically possible seeing as Hera was already pregnant when Kanan died and I have no idea how much time was in between his death and the destruction of the Death Star, but whatevs. Anyway. Enjoy!   
> (Also, like a huge-ass nerd, I did look up a map of the entire SW galaxy and tried and planned exactly what the gang is doing in this chapter, but again, I have no idea how long it takes to travel through time, even taking into consideration hyperspace, so I have no idea how long it would take to travel from, for instance, Lothal to Ryloth, in the franchise. But whatever. It's the thought that counts, right. (Also, I only realized then that while I knew Lothal was Outer Rim, I never really envisioned it to be THAT far from the Core, but DUH, it's the Outer Rim, you idiot, it's nearly Wild Space. Anyways.)

Kanan had never really agreed with the war. 

Sure, there wasn’t much to agree with - nobody liked the war. At least, not the people on any side other than the Empire’s. 

Yet he had always been vocal to Hera that he preferred not to join her cause, would prefer to stay anonymous in their little starship and do meaningless milk-runs together and only minorly inconveniencing the Empire.    
He had been in a war before. It hadn’t ended well. He didn’t want a repeat show of that.

But it had been clear to him eventually that there wasn’t much choice for him this time around. Not only was Hera hell-bent on fighting for the Rebellion, and she was the most important person in his life, period, he also realized that you were either with the Empire, or against them, and if you were against the Empire, you couldn’t just stand by and watch them do unspeakable things to innocent civilians. He had realized, while he had still pretended in his head to hold on to the Jedi ways, that they would have fought against the Empire, too, like they had fought against the Separatists so long ago. 

He hadn’t thought that there would be an end to the war. He had dreamed of it at night, of a galaxy not scattered and divided by war, of a peaceful world where they didn’t have to fear for Star Destroyers or a Death Star or Sith Lords - but he had thought, against his better judgment, that that was probably far out of their reach.

But then, the Alliance had managed to blow up the Death Star, and really, that had marked the beginning of the end for the Empire. (He still remembered how Hera had returned from that specific battle, how she had cried in his arms, both out of happiness for their success, but also grief for the people they had lost. She had always felt it as her personal responsibility to get everyone back safely, even if she wasn’t involved in the action at all. Just because it had been another squadron, didn’t mean that they weren’t still rebels. Although… he had felt it was also the baby messing with her responses.)

He had taken up more tasks within the Rebel Alliance, because he felt he had to - because he was a Jedi, and if nothing else, he could be a beacon of hope for some, for whatever reason. People liked the faint memories of an easier time, liked thinking back to the Old Republic and the Jedi Order, with all their flaws, they weren’t half as bad as the Empire had been. Most of these people still remembered the Jedi of old, had fought alongside them in some battles prior to the establishment of the Empire long ago. Kanan wished he could do more, but these people showed him it was more than enough. Everyone did their part, and he did his, whatever that was. 

Unfortunately, though, with the destruction of the Death Star, the downside was that they had to evacuate Yavin-4, a planet he had almost started to call home, if only for the mere fact that he and Hera had both entertained some fantasies of starting a family here, of raising their child here, and perhaps future children, if they were in the cards. Sabine had just finished painting the nursery in Hera and his private quarters when Senator Mothma had ordered everyone to evacuate, and not a moment too soon - he had felt the Imperial presence before he had seen them, but it still hurt to see the beautiful planet be abandoned like that. 

The rest of the Alliance moved on to another planet, Hoth, which was apparently an ice planet, and at the first mention of it, Hera and him had scrunched their noses.

“I’m a General, Kanan, I have to go,” she had protested, hand on her incredibly swollen belly. “They’re counting on me.”

“You can still do good from anywhere else,” he had countered.  _ Anywhere else _ . His mind had immediately strayed to Lothal, but he had long ago stopped wondering why the Force always kept pulling him that way. 

She had sighed but he could tell from her eyes that she preferred to go anywhere else, too. She was close to bursting now and there was no way he would allow her to bring their child into the world on  _ Hoth _ . He wasn’t made for Hoth, and neither would their baby, he would make sure of that. 

She had still flown to Hoth to offer her assistance, while he had stubbornly stayed on Lothal. He knew he was too far away from her now, even travelling through hyperspace it would probably take her about a week to get here - or from him to get to her. He knew she was as stubborn as he was and would do whatever she could to aid the Alliance, but he would have preferred to have her here with him. He liked to keep an eye on her, although she hated it when he fretted over her. (He only had the best intentions at heart. And after all, she was carrying his child. He was allowed to be a little overprotective.) 

He was training with Ezra when he felt it, and it surprised him while at the same, it didn’t. He wasn’t sure what it was that he felt, almost like a disturbance in the Force, but when Ezra didn’t feel the same thing he did, he realized it must be something much more personal to him. He felt a plethora of emotions as he tried to think of what it was that he was feeling, but he realized he had already known.

Hera was in labor. She was having their baby. And he was about as far away from her as he possibly could be in this wretched galaxy and he wanted to be reunited with her, preferably yesterday. (He knew letting Hera go to Hoth all by herself with only Chopper as company from their family was a terrible idea. He also knew she would be in good hands there with the Alliance, but that did nothing to calm his nerves.)

He rushed inside the command center of the Lothal City base and interrupted the meeting that was already taking place. 

“I need to speak to Hera.”

Zeb frowned at him, and some of the commanders he hadn’t really bothered getting to know looked at him as though he had grown a second head. He didn’t have time for their questions, however. 

“ZEB! GET ME HERA!”

“Alright, alright, no need to be such a son of a bla-”

Chopper’s warbled beeps interrupted Zeb, and for all the times Kanan had cursed that stupid little droid, he finally realized how much Hera meant to Chopper - for an astromech without actual feelings, he sounded terrified. 

_ ‘Mother meatbag is dying!’ _

“She’s not dying, Chopper,” or at least, so he hoped. He couldn’t give in to his fears while he was so far away. “She’s in labor. She’s having the baby.”

Zeb finally realized what was going on and stepped away from the holotable to set some things in motion. Sabine and Ezra had seen the ruckus as well and entered the meeting room, right when Chopper spoke again - well, ‘spoke’.

_ ‘Baby meatbag is coming?’ _

Sabine gasped and joined Zeb at the control panel off to the side. Ezra came to stand beside Kanan. 

“Yes. Can you patch her through, Chop?”

Chopper warbled some expletives at him - the little droid had never quite taken a liking to Kanan, especially not when he had been the reason Hera had felt nauseous and sick these past nine months - but did what Kanan told him to. 

Kanan’s heart skipped a beat when he heard Hera's calm breathing show up on the holotable.

“You’re not freaking out, too, are you?” she already complained, probably annoyed by Chopper’s fretting over her and now had to deal with Kanan’s fretting, too. Kanan couldn’t understand how quickly she would forget how important she was to so many people. 

“Hera,” was all he could say for the moment, but she seemed to know what words were left unsaid. 

“I’m alright, love. It has just started, it’s not going that fast, the doctors here give me at least a day until it will get serious.”

A day. That was still too soon. She was on Hoth and he was Lothal and he  _ hated himself _ for letting her go. He should have grabbed her by her arms and kept her here, with him, with her family. Especially so close to her due date. 

“How fast can you get here?”

“I don’t think moving me is a good idea at the moment.”

“ _ Kriff _ ,” Kanan muttered under his breath. He looked at Zeb and Sabine, hopefully frantically working on a way to get him to Hoth as soon as possible. “I knew this was a bad idea, Hera.”

“This is not the time to say ‘I told you so’, Kanan.”

He rolled his eyes. Always just too stubborn to accept the fact that she had been wrong and he had been right. 

“Can we meet halfway?” Kanan offered, knowing that she was right and that getting her in a spaceship into hyperspace was far from the best option right now, but he would forever hate himself if he couldn’t be at the birth of their first child. (Maybe their only child. He would be happy either way.)

Hera’s face contorted in pain, and Kanan could swear he felt it in his heart, too, could almost feel the contraction through the Force, and then it was over and she pretended it never happened. 

“I think Vandor’s as far as I’ll get.”

Kanan looked at the others in what they could describe as blind panic - every minute spent here discussing their best course of action was another minute lost in which he could make his way to his Hera. 

“If they give you a day, then I think we won’t get farther than Kashyyyk,” Sabine finally joined the conversation, and she sounded as on edge as Kanan felt. They all cared about Hera, they had all been fretting about her and her safety during the course of this pregnancy, in their own ways, and they would all hate for her to give birth all by herself, without her family close by. 

He focused on Hera again, and something told him she finally realized the truth of the situation they found themselves in.

“I’m sorry, Kanan,” she said quietly. He could imagine she was brushing her belly now, as she had done so often when she had been feeling anxious.

“No, we’re not giving up yet, Hera. Is Kashyyyk really the furthest we can get?” he asked Sabine, who looked at the notepad in her hands again and nodded solemnly. 

“Not if you take the Phantom,” Hera suddenly said, and everyone looked at her. She didn’t allow them to fly either the Ghost or Phantom II that much, preferring to do the piloting herself, and Kanan understood that - after all, they had lost the first Phantom because Ezra had ultimately brought it to its doom during his first mission, and Hera was therefore a bit hesitant on letting anyone use it unless absolutely necessary.

Well, now it was absolutely necessary. 

“You sure?”

“If you leave now, you might still make it to Vendor. I’ll meet you there.”

“Please tell me you’re not planning on flying yourself?” Kanan asked her, already knowing the answer. She raised an eyebrow at him, or he imagined she would.

“You really think I’ll let anyone else fly the Ghost?”

He guessed she wasn’t wrong about that. The Ghost was Hera’s first baby and she would be damned if anything were to happen to it. 

“Okay, please tell me you’re bringing someone with you in case things speed up?”

“I’ll have Chopper.”

“Someone with knowledge about this, please. A sentient, preferably."

She smiled, rolled her eyes, but then nodded. “Senator Mothma has already dispatched a small team to accompany me. I’ll see you there. I lo-” but she was cut off by Sabine who waved the datapad in front of Kanan’s face quite rudely. He looked in her direction, then waved his hands in front of his eyes, as if he needed to remind her that he was blind. Sabine apologized under her breath and explained, very briefly, what was on the screen.

“Uh, Hera? Change of plans. If we take the Phantom, we can’t get to Hoth, but we can meet somewhere else.”

“And where’s that?”

“Ryloth.”

That silenced everybody who knew how significant this was, and nobody said anything for the longest time, until he heard Hera rubbed both her hands over her face. It probably wasn’t visible on the hologram, but Kanan knew that she only did that when she was crying but wouldn’t admit that she was. 

“Okay,” she said, her voice thick with tears. She wasn’t always that good at hiding her tears. She cleared her throat, and her voice came out a little stronger in the next sentence. “Okay, I’ll, uh… I’ll see you there. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Hera. May the Force be with you.”

He felt her smile briefly at him, then disconnected the call and the silence returned to the meeting hall. That was, until Kanan put everyone to work again. 

“What are you waiting for? Let’s get Hera!”

They were all startled into action and nodded, before taking up their parts in this ‘operation’ - despite not always functioning as the ‘Lothal Rebel cell’ like they did in the past, they did still know what their individual tasks were to get the mission rolling into action.

Alright. He might not be able to have his child born on Lothal, but the home planet of Hera, of his beautiful little Twi’lek, was almost better. 

~...~

“Stop fidgeting, for kriff’s sake,” Sabine complained, pushing his hands away from the controls for the umpteenth time. Kanan couldn’t help it - they had left as soon as remotely possible while still having to fuel up the Phantom and calculate their jumps to hyperspace along the way, but it still seemed like they had lost precious time. He had his eye on the radar the entire time, as though that would make the spacecraft fly faster - and as though he could actually read anything off of it if it did show them anything, considering things. 

He had focused on the Force more than once since stepping onto the Phantom, hoping it would tell him something about Hera’s position, about her well-being. He couldn’t really tell anything aside from the fact that she was in fact in labor, and that it had progressed since they had last spoken to her. 

“Can we get her on comms?” he asked the gang. Sabine was flying because she would know some shortcuts and was probably the next best pilot they had on their team, aside from Hera. Ezra and Zeb were in the back, and Kanan could tell that they were anxious, too - especially his young Padawan was causing huge disturbances in the Force, no doubt worried for their second-in-command - ah, who was he kidding, they all knew who the real boss was of the Spectres. 

“Not unless you want to alert the Hutts that we’re travelling above their territory without their permission, then sure, be my guest.”

Kanan groaned and leaned back in his seat. He focused on the Force again, and despite the distance, still established a connection with her. For as much as one could establish a connection with a non-Force wielder.

_ Come on, Hera Syndulla. We’ve done everything together in the past, what, decade. Don’t let this break our streak. Just hold on. I’m on my way. _

As soon as it was safe to establish a comm connection with her, Sabine already had her projected on the Phantom’s dashboard. 

Kanan knew Hera through and through, and was almost certain there was nobody who knew her better than he did - aside from perhaps Chopper, but he didn’t want to compete with a droid. Yet his extensive knowledge of all things Hera Syndulla told him immediately what she was feeling - and it wasn’t good. 

She wasn’t at the wheel, which was the first big sign of her current state of mind - she would never let anyone fly the Ghost if she could do it, too. She was taking in deep breaths, and Kanan could faintly hear Chopper still panicking off screen.

Kanan’s heart sank and he felt his panic rise even more. He had to be there, dammit! His Hera was in labor, she was having his child, and he was still so far away from her! He should be there to hold her hand, tell her everything would be alright… maybe relieve her pain a little with the Force, but he knew that wouldn’t really work on her - she wasn’t weak-minded, and his mind control tricks had never ever worked on her. Not that he would ever admit to her that he had tried in the past...

“Is it… too late… to not have… this child?” she pressed out between huffs. She was half-teasing, half-angry, but Kanan could tell she was scared, too. He knew she wouldn’t want to have their baby in the middle of nowhere, in some hyperspace lane, far away from home and from him, despite the fact that she had probably jinxed that when she had decided to go to Hoth all by herself. (He had even tried to have her agree to taking Ezra with her, or Sabine, anyone, but she insisted on going alone.) 

“You don’t mean that.”

She was silent for a while, but she kept puffing, and another contraction passed during her silence. 

“I don’t. I’m sorry, Kanan.”

He shook his head and wished he could kiss her lips, her cheek, hold her hand. 

“According to the radar, we just passed Scarif,” Sabine announced, to no one in particular. She was probably finding a way to keep herself from freaking out, too. “Still a few hours out.”

Hera groaned as she was overcome by yet another contraction, and they could hear Chopper in the background beeping furiously. 

“I’m not dying, Chop, stop worrying.”

He beeped some more expletives and Hera audibly rolled her eyes, despite the pain she must be feeling, still mostly entertained by her droid. At least she had that, Kanan realized. She might not have a sentient she knew with her, but at least she had her trusty Chopper. (Kanan had been unable to get between them in the first few years of their acquaintance, and he still felt like a second-class friend, the droid often taking priority in Hera’s mind.)    
“Kanan, I love you,” she said, her voice heavy with something, Kanan wasn’t sure he could begin to dissect everything in there. Mostly pain, but also fear, although he wouldn't tell her that. “I love you, and I’m so happy we’re going to have a baby together. There’s no one I would rather have started a family with than you.”

He smiled and nodded, and he would surely have cried right then if his tear ducts wouldn’t have been seriously messed with… but he still felt a lump in his throat. 

“We already had a family, my sweet,” he said softly, his hands having stopped fumbling for the moment while he focused on reassuring her. “When you dragged me out of that cantina on Gorse and forced me to be real with myself… I never could have imagined then that we would be here ten years down the line. And I love you so much, my sweet Hera, you are the best thing that ever happened to me and you are a dream come true. Caleb Dume could never have dared to hope to feel this love.” He was about to add something else when he heard her groan again, and focused the Force on her, not knowing if it would reach her, or if it would help. He would have whispered sweet nothings to reassure her, but he was acutely aware that the others were there, too, and these were words that only Hera deserved to hear from him. “Hey, Hera… when all this is over… you know, when the war is over? Will you, uh…” He stopped himself at the last moment, but then realized… why the  _ kriff _ not? They would have a child very soon, and they had been together for so long, he couldn’t possibly imagine a life without her anymore. “Will you marry me, Hera?”

“Woooow,” Ezra let out before he was able to stop himself, and the others let their shock and surprise be heard, too. All Kanan really wanted to hear was Hera’s response - which was just a series of groans and a new sound in this situation, sobs. 

“Kanan… I…”

“Save your strength, Hera. Think about it. We’ll come back to it later.”

She was about to say something else when the comms were suddenly cut off, and Kanan found himself immediately panicking again, even if his heart had been broken at the sound of her in so much pain, it had grounded him, given him new strength - yet now, it was silent inside the shuttle. 

“Kriff, Kanan,” Zeb was the first to break the silence, “you’re really quite the romantic, huh?”

Yet Kanan didn’t pay much attention to the Lasat’s sarcastic comments - he needed to hear Hera again, right now, and tell her some more things that were on his mind, hoping against all odds that it would help her get through this. 

“It’s nothing bad,” Ezra proclaimed eventually after Kanan heard some tinkering with the comm lines. 

“It’s probably another hyperspace lane interfering with our comms. We’ll get her back on soon,” Sabine added, but Kanan shook his head. They had to focus all of their energy on getting to Ryloth, as soon as possible. Something told him they were quickly running out of time. 

~...~

Just before entering the Gaulus sector, Kanan had contacted Cham Syndulla to let them know of their impending arrival. He wasn’t surprised at all by their call, and Kanan found out soon enough why.

“She arrived about half an hour ago,” he explained. Before Kanan could ask the question, Cham had already answered it. “No, the baby is not here yet, but it won’t be long now. For my daughter’s sake, please tell me you’re close by.”

Kanan looked into Sabine’s direction and it almost seemed like she willed the Phantom to fly even faster, and she gave a distracted sound of confirmation. 

“About my daughter…” Cham started, but Kanan nodded furiously. 

“Yes, I know, I’m sorry I got her pregnant, it was never my intention but it just happened. I promise I won’t hurt her, and I’ll take care of her and our baby for as long as I possibly can. Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you? For what?”

“For courting your daughter without your consent.”

Cham laughed heartily, and it felt like it was a bit out of context in this situation. 

“My dear boy, I’ve never had that kind of control over my daughter. Thankfully. I think you know that Hera does whatever Hera wants. As long as you got her consent, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“I won’t do wrong by her, Sir.”

“I know that, Kanan,” Cham said, seriously this time, as opposed to the trace of humor and ‘don’t-mess-with-me’ vibes that Cham Syndulla usually exhibited. “I know you’ve been with Hera for a long time. I know there’s nobody in this galaxy who makes her as happy as you do. If my daughter trusts you, then I will, too.”

For some reason, a wave of relief washed over Kanan. He had always been slightly intimidated by Cham Syndulla, not just because he was the father of the girl he was seeing, but also because General Syndulla was just a very intimidating man. 

“The thing I wanted to talk to you about, though,” Cham said, bringing the conversation back to the original one before Kanan had rambled out of pure fear, “is indeed my daughter. What’s your plan for the future, Jarrus?”

Plan for the future? Kanan had never really thought about a future yet, and he was ashamed to admit that he realized only now that even Hera’s pregnancy hadn’t really made him think about the long run. The only thing he had thought about was where they would live, but that was only part of what one needed to take into consideration when planning a future. 

“I… I haven’t, uh… thought that far ahead yet.”

“I see.”

Kanan’s nerves picked up again, and for kriff’s sake, no one could make him feel quite this nervous as the Syndulla’s - with anyone else, he’d have talked his way out of it already.

“I want us to live on Lothal,” he started, feeling like he needed to say more in order for Cham not to decide that he wasn’t worth his daughter. “We have spacious living quarters there, and our child will have a lot of space to play and grow up in. If she wants, I’ll marry Hera one day, it’s all I ever wanted. And, well, if the Force allows it… maybe we’ll have some more children. All I really know for certain is that I will always take care of Hera, no matter what. Without her… I would be nobody. She means everything to me.”

Things were quiet again then, while Kanan’s heart beat heavily inside his chest. Then, Cham finally spoke again.

“That’s all I wanted to hear. You have my blessing.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Now get here as soon as possible. It won’t be long now.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He was aware he sounded like an overeager soldier but that was probably what Cham brought out in him. He wanted to leave a good impression, because even though Hera would do whatever she wanted and would defy her father even if he didn’t approve of their relationship, Cham’s blessing meant a lot to Kanan and he would make sure not to abuse that. 

“Exiting hyperspace, coming up on Ryloth,” Sabine announced, a few quiet minutes later after they had ended communications with Cham, and Kanan was already standing to get out of the Phantom as fast as possible. He suddenly felt Hera’s Force signature stronger than it had been since feeling that she had gone into labor, and realized she really was close to giving birth now.

Sabine reached out to straighten Kanan’s clothing before landing the Phantom and lowering the small ramp at the same time. Kanan had hardly waited for the spacecraft to have landed, and was running towards where the Force was guiding him.

He ran past several familiar faces, including Numa and Cham, but didn’t pay them any mind. Some people he had never met still pointed him in the right direction, as if they had already known (or been informed) that a frantic blind Jedi would come and visit Hera. (And really, he had ran into several walls on his way to her, but he would gladly take the pain if it meant he got to be there sooner.) 

He heard her screams and his heart broke, how could he have put her through this, how could he have been so careless and get her pregnant?

And then, he ran into the room where she was laying - he could feel her signature in the Force, heard her screams and grunts and groans, and his heart both broke even further, yet also filled with love. 

“Kanan!” she exclaimed in surprise, and he rushed to her side, pulling her into a tight hug despite the pain she was in. She wasn’t complaining and planted countless kisses in the crook of his neck, before she had to pull away and have another contraction wash over her. 

He could finally hold her hand, kiss her cheek, tell her that he was there and that everything would be alright, and he felt incredibly relieved - had they truly made it in time? 

“I love you, Hera,” he whispered, kissing the top of her hand, and only flinching a little when she basically crushed all of the bones inside his hand. For her, he would walk through fire if it meant that she was safe. 

“I love you,” she returned, her voice even quieter than his had been. Yet another contraction. 

Kanan wished he could carry all the pain instead, could transfer everything she was feeling to him so she didn’t have to hurt, but that wasn’t how the Force worked, and he could only be there for her, reassure her, but it just didn’t feel like it was enough. 

“You can push now, General,” one of the midwives said. Hera looked at him, and despite his blindness, he could feel the fear in her eyes, could feel everything she was feeling in that moment. 

“It’ll be okay, my sweet,” he whispered. “Push and we’ll have our baby. I’ll be here the entire time, I promise. I love you.”

She squeezed his hand even tighter than before, he didn’t think it possible, but then all of a sudden, everything was quiet and the pain in his hand left him. He focused the Force, but couldn’t feel any changes in it, despite the fact that he had felt their baby in her belly very early on in her pregnancy and had continued to feel them all this time. 

_ Don’t tell me… _

But before he could let that terrifying thought take root inside his head, he heard the telltale sound of a newborn crying and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, and realizing that… he was crying? He thought he couldn’t cry anymore. He quickly brushed his tears off his cheeks and searched for Hera’s hand again. 

“Oh,” was all she could let out, and that was when he felt that familiar signature, that he had felt in her belly all these months, right there, out in the open. He reached out and felt a baby, laying on Hera’s chest, crying because they were so rudely pulled into this galaxy.  _ Same here, kid. I also wish things were different. _ “Kanan…”

He brushed more baby, not yet cleaned up, but it didn’t bother him at all. He traced whatever he could of this little baby, their little baby… he really wished he had his sight at moments like this. 

“It’s a boy,” Hera whispered, her voice heavy with tears, and Kanan scooted closer to bury his face in the crook of her neck and stay there for a while, take in this moment, their baby crying close to his ear but the initial shock seemed to have worn off. Hera brushed Kanan's hair and he wished he could stay in this moment forever, with his little family.

She made him angle his head so she could kiss him, and he felt tears against his cheeks as they did, unsure whose tears they were, but realizing it probably didn’t matter all that much. 

“What does he look like?” Kanan asked her, and Hera kissed him again, before taking one of his hands and having him brush their baby boy again. 

“Surprisingly, not green,” she whispered with an air of amusement in her voice, and he just had to smile at that, running his hand through the damp patch of hair on the top of the boy’s head. 

It surprised Kanan, if he had to be honest with himself. He knew there weren’t a lot of examples of humans and Twi’leks having children together, and that was surprising, too, if he could believe Hera when she had said how poorly some Twi’lek women were treated by his kind. He would have thought that there would be more children born from those relations, which made him think that while it might be possible to have children together, it was not as easy as it was for two humans or two Twi’leks. 

But, he had entertained some images of their child, and had wished that they would look like their mother, a beautiful little Twi’lek baby for them to cuddle for as long as they wanted to. Yet it seemed that his genes had won for the most part, because while Twi’leks had little to no hair, this little boy seemed blessed with just as much hair as his father. He also didn’t seem to have lekku, which made Kanan realize the boy was mostly human. 

It disappointed him for just a split second, before Hera made him move his hand so he could brush the little baby’s… ear?

“The tips are green,” she explained, covering his hand while it covered the side of their son’s face. “And his hair… very much green.”

Kanan smiled and found her lips, kissing them again, and again just because he could. 

“He’s so beautiful, Kanan,” Hera finally whispered, and that sealed the deal. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, my sweet Hera.”

“Kanan, I’m sorry for-”

He shook his head, stopping her sentence. “No, don’t. We’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

He wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, but he never wanted this moment to end. 

Could Caleb Dume have ever thought that he would get to this point? That he would love and be loved, that people would see him for more than just a Jedi, that he could attach himself to people and it wouldn’t be the end of the world? 

The Order wouldn’t have let him. Well, screw them. They would never be able to take this away from them.

“By the way,” she said, her lips close to his ear. “My answer is yes.”

Never. The entire Order would have to fight him to try and take Hera Syndulla from him, but he wouldn’t give up easily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, please excuse any flaws in logic, grammar, spelling or anything else. I was halfway into the chapter when I realized, I had forgotten Kanan was blind, you know, like an idiot, so I had to re-write some things. (But honestly, he doesn't literally see as much as the others but y'all sometimes forget too that he's blind, yeah? Because he can basically see everything around himself with the Force? Okay, just justifying the fact that I forgot such an important part of his being I guess.) Also, I have no idea how Twi'lek anatomy works so I'm just assuming it's roughly the same as human anatomy, since they're quite similar in a lot of ways, and then labor and giving birth would probably be similar too. Right? Idk. Idc.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm still alive! I totally did read A New Dawn like two weeks ago and I absolutely ADORED it, I love the idea that Kanan was practically in love with her from the first moment they met and Hera was like 'okay... take it easy there, buddy'. And I love how Kanan saw the Ghost even before he had seen Hera and was like 'daaaamn that's a nice spaceship' so these two were made for each other from the very beginning.  
> Also, sorry for not updating this story sooner! Thanks if you're still willing to read it!

A cup of tea interrupted him from one of his regular reveries, not such an odd occurrence anymore, and it hadn't been for quite some time now. Once, a long time ago, he had been taught to shut down his mind - don't think, just do. Feel the Force, but just don't  _ think _ about it.

"You're always so far away," a soft voice said, as the owner of said voice placed a brief kiss on his lips, then sat beside him, her head on his shoulder.

"Tell me, how are they doing?"

She hummed and linked their hands in between them, rubbing the top of his hand with her thumb.

"Several limbs have been lost… mainly Ezra's."

Kanan smiled and lifted their intertwined hands, kissing hers, and that spot on her wrist he knew would make her sigh the way he liked.

"Good thing we confiscated Ezra's saber."

"You know, one day, he's going to have to train with a real one."

"Yes. But today is not that day."

She sighed but stayed by his side, silent, probably thinking over her next words. They had gone over this before, he should trust the Force, and Ezra for that matter, but he simply had trouble with that. Didn't matter that he had been about the first amongst his peers to be ready for the Gathering and receive his saber.

The stakes were higher now, however. Back in those days, there had been thousands of Jedi; Masters, Knights, Padawans, Younglings… scattered across the universe, fighting for the cause of the Republic and the Order. Although harsh, in those times, it wasn't a very big deal if one of them perished while trying to save yet another planet from impending doom.

Yet, nowadays… Kanan had no idea how many Jedi were out there. He hardly believed that they were the only ones, wouldn't believe that an Order of thousands had been diminished to just those on this planet right here. He realized, perhaps in a future, distant or not, there would be no recollection of the Jedi Order at all, and maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing…

He had certainly learned that while being a Youngling and a Padawan had given him a purpose, that was then. Now, the only thing he felt when he thought about those times was pain… pain, and anger, and grief, for it was all he had known at that time, what he had believed in. And he had witnessed his friends kill his Master, had willingly betrayed Kasmir and Kleeve, because the only thing he brought with him was just that - pain, and fear, and  _ suffering _ .

Still.

It hadn't stopped this beautiful Twi'lek from loving him. Unconditionally. The young boy training just a short distance away from them was enough proof of that.

"I don't want to lose him, Hera. What if we're all that's left?"

"I understand, love. I really do. But what if you  _ are _ the last of the Jedi? Do you really want them to go down like this? I mean, I hate the guys as much as you do," she said, then, under her breath, "maybe even more," before picking up her voice again, "but it hardly seems right to go down without a fight."

She was right, of course. Even after all these years, he had lost track of how many, he had yet to come across a situation in which Hera was wrong. He admired that in her. She always knew what to say or do.

"You're right." He turned his head and she immediately responded by kissing him, deeply, while he cupped the back of her neck. When they parted, she traced his scar - she was and always would be the only one whom he let touch said scar, mainly because he trusted her more than anyone currently alive (or dead, for that matter), but also, he admitted, because he still felt guilty about the promise he would never be able to keep anymore. "If we are the only ones left, sad bunch the Jedi are left with."

She hummed and he could sense her smile, as she kissed a corner of his mouth and lingered there.

"I don't know. I kind of like this 'sad bunch'."

Right on cue, he heard two pairs of footsteps approach them and the unmistakable sound of a wooden stick being forcefully thrown onto the ground.

"That's it. I quit. For real this time," Ezra stated resolutely, before letting out a grunt as he no doubt threw himself onto the ground with his arms crossed. The kid hadn't changed that much in all these years. "I don't know how you did it, Kanan."

"I ask myself that question every day," Kanan said dryly, making Hera chuckle briefly, and the owner of the other pair of footsteps let their presence be known, too.

"Mommy! I beat Ezzie's a-"

The voice ended abruptly, only to be followed by adorable little giggles, accompanied by those sweet sounds Hera made whenever she pulled in their son to hug or tickle him to near death.

"He did  _ not _ beat my ass," Ezra countered, and Kanan had to smile at the disgruntled sound Hera made. Well, no question where the boy's language came from. (Although Zeb probably played a huge part in it, too.) "He cheated."

"How can he cheat when you're on equal ground? No sabers or anything."

"I don't know! Ugh!"

Jacen laughed at the grunts his older brother made, then dove into Kanan's arms to give him a big bear hug like only Jacen Syndulla could provide.

"Daddy, when will I get my lightsaber?"

"Soon, young Padawan. When the time is right. First, you have to master your technique with the stick-"

"I don't like the stick, Daddy. Can I use your lightsaber instead?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Kanan said, but he already heard the tell tale sound of his own saber being activated, and heard the joyful sounds of Jacen as he jumped out of Kanan's arms - didn't need much thinking to know who had provided him with his wish.

"Hera…"

"I know, I know. He's not ready. But shouldn't he at least get a feel for one? It doesn't hurt to just hold it, right?"

Kanan remembered the trials he had to go through to get that lightsaber, and hold onto it, too, for all those years, how precious yet hated the weapon had been all that time. But he had found something much more precious.

"Fine."

"Yay! Thanks, Daddy! Ezzie let's go!"

Ezra gave a grunt of disapproval but still got up, shuffling his feet as he Force pulled up his wooden stick.

"Next training is all yours, Kanan."

"No problem, Master Bridger."

They spent the rest of the afternoon in peace - just him and his precious little family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it! Thanks again for reading, and if you have any suggestions for scenes you want to read, let me know and I'll see what I can do!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know through a comment or a kudo whether you liked it or not!


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